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The truth on sibling rivalry

  • Jazz
  • Feb 7, 2020
  • 4 min read

Updated: Jan 27


1 John 3:17

But if anyone has the world's goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God's love abide in him?

1 John 4:20

If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen.

Sibling rivalry is a type of competition or animosity among siblings, whether blood-related or not. Siblings generally spend more time together during childhood than they do with parents. The sibling bond is often complicated and is influenced by factors such as parental treatment, birth order, personality, and people and experiences outside the family. Sibling rivalry is particularly intense when children are very close in age and of the same gender and/or where one or both children are intellectually gifted.

Almost everyone that I know has dealt with sibling rivalry. However, it can be especially painful when other family members perpetuate the division. Please stay out of the affairs of siblings. When treated with care, a bond between siblings can be a very beautiful relationship. It's nothing like having your brother's back or being there for your sister in her time of need. If you're anything like me, I am the oldest sister that's ready for whatever and I mean whatever...whenever lol. It brings me much pleasure to be there for my little siblings. It enrages me to even think someone would even try to destroy the dynamic I have with them.They are like your first best friends. To have an adult/elder intervene to tear that dynamic apart is just plain evil. Your mother, your father, aunt, uncle, grandma etc should NEVER ADVOCATE FOR THE DIVISION BETWEEN SIBLINGS! Family should instead mediate and be the proper liaison to bring the family together. Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.

What ever happened to the development of families? Why are families so anti unity these days? Families will honor one child over the other and not realize they are creating an atmosphere for confusion and potential drama. At some parents parents die and here goes the siblings kicking behind and taking names at the attorneys office when they should be grieving. The parent's neglected to enforce the importance of being amicable. I'd like to believe everyone has a purpose so to deny a child of their God given right let alone talents just to favor another child is extremely uncalled for and is very well divisive. This causes disruption at every family function. holiday, family meetings & etc!

Siblings are bound to naturally have disagreements and potentially fight. There is no escaping the inevitable of small children growing up in close proximity. However, purposely putting one child on a pedestal for the parent's own personal agendas are extremely inappropriate. For example, If you have 6 children and out of that 6, one appears to be extremely knowledgeable, two are very creative, two are into sports and the last child is a loner who prefers to read, how could you measure who is better than the other if they all come out of the same stinkin hole? Parents tend to favor children who I feel they feel will financially & emotionally support them. I THINK THAT IS INAPPROPRIATE. As a parent, I want to empower both of my children to support themselves & each other. When I am gone, they WILL NEED EACH OTHER. If I love both as I say, I had to ensure they're okay by doing this.

I am a mother of 2 small boys. My oldest son is 5 and my youngest son is 3. I love them both EQUALLY. If it's one child's birthday, I still get the other one something to further express that I see them all the same. I see them as equal. While they undeniably have certain personality traits that distinguish the two, I love them the same! They are extensions of myself. To defile them as young men would be to defile myself as their mother.

Anybody that knows me knows I love BEYONCE! I love that her mom recently shared what it took to build both of her daughters up to avoid sibling conflict. It says in the "Independent" article that:

..... "Their mother, Tina Knowles, nipped any signs of sibling discord in the bud early on by taking them both to see a child therapist"

*see article*

https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/beyonce-solange-therapy-children-tina-knowles-sibling-jealousy-fame-a8352221.html

I love how the two women are powerhouses in their own right and their mother doesn't show favortism. Nor does she allow one sibling to rule over other the other. I love that she is promoting fairness & humanism.

I have heard parents divulging very personal information about siblings to other siblings unbeknownst to the person in jeopardy. Then when the siblings have it out, it all comes out and now there is no repair because lines have been crossed. Granted, siblings sometimes have it out anyways due to being close in age. Proper mediation and healthy communication can stabilize relationships. I often feel as though the elders advocate for the dissension by continuing the drama. It saddens me to hear that siblings fall out and don't see or hear from one another until they're on their death bed. Time lost and no way to get back the time.

Thoughts?

 
 
 

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