Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
While it is very nice to see women begin to honor one another, we must do the same for black men. I think it is fair to say black men don't get enough credit for being a human let alone a person trying to make the best out of the circumstances they were dealt with. As a black woman with black males, it is hard to acknowledge only myself when I am raising the very thing that is often overlooked in this world; The black man.
The lack of support when it comes to black men is from slavery. Slavery broke our dynamic with our men & vice versa. I make it my business to tell my two black male children how important & beautiful they are everyday. I don't know what the future holds for them so I do my best to pour as much wisdom and knowledge into them as I can. Based off of how I have seen a lot of black males get treated, I know for a fact it is my job to spread awareness and empower my children. I will not tolerate my black male children being mistreated or overlooked by anyone. Especially their own!
I know people may be bored when it pertains to the destruction of the black community but it must be referred to when people unfairly judge black men for not always being equipped with what society thinks they should have going on.These black men are not purposely falling short. They are hurting and confused about life just like we as women are. The only difference is, support is often omitted from a black man's journey. They are never encouraged or told they can excel. What if all black men have to give is themselves? Should they be reduced to belittling?
As I mentioned earlier, slavery truly did a number on the black community. I think it's powerful effect comes from the attack it mainly had on the black man. This is not to discredit the black woman's experience. A lot of people are just finding out that black men were also raped by white men and white women during slavery. Although there were many other atrocities that happened to black men, the sexual assault broke their spirits and hindered their capabilities of empowering their families.
Let's breakdown what rapes does to a man let alone a black man. Black men are known to be full of pride, strength, dignity & honor. For a white man (someone who's conquered a nation of black people) to then sexually violate any black man of his choosing who more than likely is already married with children of his own is a disgrace. It wasn't consensual. Can you think of the many black men who fought to the death that they did not document in the history books out of fear of the uproar it would cause? I am positive many rebelled & some were physically out numbered by the many white males who just wanted to break their spirit.
Can you imagine what their wives would have thought? How they probably lost faith in their husbands? How it ripped their dynamic completely apart? Women cannot challenge a man on how he should have felt or handled anything in a moment where several lives were at stake. I think black women often times dismiss the account of black men in a effort to be heard which I do get. However, it is a disservice to black men when we cut them off from sharing their experiences. It is already hard for black men to even unpack some of their trauma let alone finally find the words to express it and here we come with that big hole in our faces dismissing their claims.
Yes, black men aren't perfect but black women are also not perfect. I believe generations of black women have lost respect for black men from slavery. Their inability to see past the violation of their husbands caused them to lose faith in black men generations ago. We have not been able to successfully get back to a place where we can appreciate and honor a black man without throwing ourselves into the equation. When we battle with black men about trauma, it turns into a "me too" competition. No one ever gets heard during the many screams of yelling "me too".
There are also a lot of black men that I know personally that have grown up in households where they were abused,molested and were subjected to abandonment. Do you think outlets were always available to these gentleman if we are still enforcing the narrative that black boys cannot cry? They aren't allowed to be human. Why are we surprised that black men are seemingly monstrous ? Their ability to be human has been denied. What does one evolve to if they can't be the very thing they were put here to do?
Growing up with all black women, I can't say many men were around. Black society wants to automatically deem the absentee men monsters for allegedly abandoning the women. However, what if the women were difficult and harsh thus providing a toxic experience for the male? What if he removed himself due to the woman not allowing him to be heard? I have witnessed many black women make life impossible for the black men simply because they can! I can honestly say I agree that both black men & women have hurt each other but I have seen a lot of black women get away with murder when being in violation of a black man and almost no one is there to vindicate them.
A lot of black men are suffering from mental illnesses that we refuse to acknowledge because we still consider them brutes just like our slave masters would. In the use of a systematic review, inclusion criteria were studies focused on depression among African American or Black men, separated analysis by race and gender, and conducted in the United States. Each study was critically reviewed to identify depression prevalence, risk factors, treatment-seeking behaviors, and barriers. Only 19 empirical studies focusing on depression among African American men were identified in a 25-year time span. Findings suggest the prevalence of depression among African American men ranges from 5% to 10%, they face a number of risk factors, yet evidence low use of mental health services. Consequently, depression among African American men needs to be at the forefront of our research, practice, and outreach agendas. A focus on this group has the potential to reduce mental health disparities experienced by African American men. These findings are from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4215700/.
I have always been annoyed with black women constantly taking notes of what black men do wrong without being able to turn the mirrors on themselves. A black man and a woman can date but if a man decides he wants to end it for whatever reason, he's a dog. If there is a child involved and he has the audacity to want to still support the child and not the woman, here comes child support. Or the constant threat of child support to restrict them. Black women have weaponized child support. This is not to say other races haven't but we are focusing on the dynamic between the black man & woman.
See this article on child support in the black community:
If a man doesn't have a job, he's automatically a lazy bum. He doesn't have the luxury of being depressed, grief stricken, suffering from PTSD or just uninspired. However, Women can afford to suffer from the aforementioned issues and even expect to be fully cared for and attended to. In fact, they are more likely to give government assistance. People love to point out that the bible says "If a man doesn't work, he doesn't eat" when that is a half truth. In fact, it says:
2 THESSALONIANS 3:10
KJ21
For even when we were with you, this we commanded you: that if any would not work, neither should he eat.
This goes for both sexes! So why should a man get so much grief for falling short when we as women do the same and still get an overwhelming amount of support? The only remedy that can alleviate the battle of the sex issues within the black community is COMPROMISE & COMPASSION. Both sexes have to do their own self work and come together to be together without putting emotional responsibilities on one another. Both sexes have to be fair to one another. Sometimes when you go a long time without being heard, you have a tendency to shout your experiences so loud that it silences those around you. Women & men should both think of that when sharing with each other to gain understanding of each other.
Black men were put here for a purpose just like black women were. We cannot deny them of that fact. Therefore, if we expect anything from black men, we must sometimes take the initiative to honor them first sometimes. Evil can't fix evil so it takes someone good to set off a wave of change simply because they're doing something different. I encourage you to do something different and check on a black man you know isn't as expressive and see if there is anything he may need. Maybe you could be of some assistance? Maybe you can empower this individual or breathe encouragement into this person. Try to encourage this man to maybe enroll into therapy or simply be an ear. If we don't do for each other who will?
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